By: Kim Siffring, Director of Montview Community Preschool & Kindergarten
There is a song by The Spinners titled Rubber Band Man, which kept popping into my mind when I was thinking about resiliency, so I was feeling nostalgic and listened to the song. Then I read the lyrics hoping it would be the perfect auditory segway into the topic of emotional strength: because rubber bands return to their original state after being stressed. Which is an easy way to think about resiliency, which is simply the ability to bounce back from adversity.
The song talks about a man that
Got that rubber band
Up on his toes
And then he wriggled it up
All around his nose
One of the best things we can do as important adults in young children’s lives is to encourage risk taking. Now imagine being the person in the song and going to your band mates to show them how you can create music with just your toes, nose, and a rubber band. That is huge risk taking in my book, because chances are if I tried something like that, I would be laughed out of the room.
Young children take these types of risks all the time: making up lyrics to a song, putting together their own outfits to wear, climbing to the top of a huge slide, sharing ideas, initiating friendships, sharing in front of the class, leaving parents at the gate for the first time to join their class all on their own. Children can take risks because they embrace mistakes as part of life. We know children build toughness by learning from mistakes, experiencing disappointments, and doing things wrong.
We need to resist the urge to fix the situation so they don’t experience failure, disappointments, and the emotions that come along with that, and remember they will learn how to understand and deal with failure, disappointments, and the heavy emotions by living through them. So much easier said than done, right?
It is up to us to teach them to identify, name, and acknowledge their emotions. By genuinely listening to how they feel without rushing them to feel otherwise, we are modeling acceptance of all their feelings. We can teach them that ups, and downs are part of life by sharing personal stories and books that talk about emotions. A great one I can recommend is Alexander’s No Good Very Bad Day. Everyone can relate to times they felt just like Alexander and wanted to move to Australia.
Here at Montview we give children lots of practice making decisions because we want them to get good at making choices. As a child makes more decisions, they become better at making choices that have the outcomes they desire. As we all know they will make many choices that don’t lead to the outcome they wanted, and they will learn from the natural consequences of their decisions and that helps build mental strength.
Understanding that failure is a part of life is an important lesson to learn. When children keep going when things are hard, they become more willing to try new things with confidence. Therefore, it is so important to praise their efforts and not the results. When they can’t do what they set out to do, remind them that they can’t do it YET, but with continued attempts they will be able to do it. We should also model how to look for the positive. At times that is all that is needed to switch to a growth mindset and build mental elasticity.
These building blocks of resiliency are possible because of the supportive relationships’ you child has with you, your extended family, friends, care givers, and the staff here at Montview. These relationships help balance the scale that holds stressors on one side and positive relationships on the other. These relationships also provide physical and emotional comfort when things don’t go as planned. A hug, a lap to sit on, a squeeze of the hand can communicate volumes of support and belief, in a way that words can’t.
Circling back to the Rubber Band Man song, Thom Bell wrote it for his son who was being teased by his classmates. I can’t think of a better example of how having a caring and thoughtful relationship can help children overcome and bounce back.
May your child experience setbacks so they can learn how to bounce back, adversity so they can experience the high of moving beyond a difficult situation, and hardships so they learn how to respond successfully when things don’t go their way. Of course, all on a preschool size scale and magnitude. May all the adults in your child’s life provide hope, understanding, comfort, and a desire to help build your child’s internal belief that they can get through anything and bounce back.
